So, last night I think it was just kind of a shock to come back, and see Frank after a week not really (or at least trying not to) even think about him. Today has actually been a really good day. Other than having to go to classes again (8am's are still a pain in the butt). I came home in the afternoon, and he was around. We talked a little, just normal everyday type stuff, but it didn't really upset me like I thought it would. Hopefully things stay all right, I don't want to never be able to use the living room in my apartment when he's home. 

Spring break was nice. I didn't do a whole lot, but it was nice and relaxing. I got to spend some time with my mom, and a few of my other relatives. I also got to see friends that I don't get to very often. Micki and I finally had spring break at the same time, and then a few others are living in Chicago. I did some mini-golfing, frisbee playing, LOTR risk playing (Micki and i got our butts kicked - surprise surprise). I worked a little bit with the kitties at Treehouse, and spent quality time with some really good friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I really didn't want to come back, but I just have to keep telling myself that it's only for another month and a half.

Time to go study some rodents for my quiz tomorrow morning.

mood: thoughtful

So I had a whole long thing written out, and I accidentally clicked something, and when i hit the back button, it was all gone....I'll try to remember what I had, but this makes me mad...

I've decided to start a live journal so that select people can keep in touch with what's going on with me, and whats going on in my head. I don't know how regularly I'll post, but I'll try to update it once in a while.

Since Frank broke up with me, I've been really upset. Even though there are reasons why I don't think I want to get him back, I still really miss what we had. It was good for a long time. This year, it slowly started downhill, and this semester it started getting really bad. It started with little things that I didn't notice much, or I didn't notice all the time, and then other things would happen, and it all just escalated, until it was too late. I tried talking to him a few times, but either he blew it off, or made it sound like everything was fine. I just really want to know what changed to make him not want to be with me anymore...

Leonard came over last night, and we had a really serious talk. The whole evening went back and forth between being really fun just hanging out, to really serious with me crying my eyes out. He's one of the few people I am comfortable crying in front of (though I still don't really like doing it), otherwise I hate crying in front of people. He was really trying to help me through the confusion. Seeing as he's been through a really tough break up before (I know, irony, but he says he's over it now) so he had some good advice. He's been so sweet and caring. It made me really want to kiss him, but I know right now is the wrong timing, and it would be for all the wrong reasons. It's been so long since I felt wanted romantically or physically. and I really wanted him, but at the same time I didn't because it would have really damaged our friendship, if not ended it completely. And I wouldn't give up on that for the world. I know I just need time for myself right now. But it's so hard sometimes, especially at night, as I'm falling asleep. There's nothing but me and my thoughts, and nothing else going on to distract me. That's when it hurts the most. 

Now I am really really tired. We were talking until about 1:30 last night, and then I had to get up at 6 to go to work this morning. I tried taking a nap, but again my head got in the way. I wish this week would never end. I am not looking forward to the awkwardness of my apartment at school. It should be interesting to see how it is for the next month and a half. 

Time to get ready to go and visit Theresa, a friend I haven't seen in a while. More updated later.

mood: exhausted